thriving in motherhood
There’s a mix of excitement and pressure to make your baby’s first Christmas special. It doesn’t help that most moms are killing it on Instagram with their crafty ornaments, matching pjs, and color coordinated Christmas trees. Real talk, I still haven’t put up our Christmas …
There are plenty of glorious, feel-good, and warm your soul moments of motherhood. Discovering your baby’s cradle cap is not one of them. Cradle cap is a collection of yellowish, crusty, or greasy scales that form on your baby’s scalp. I might have a lower …
This isn’t your normal “how to” post. Mainly because one “how to” can’t possibly apply to all moms. Some of us are thriving while others are drowning; it’s not just you who feels that way. My current status is a newly working mom, a little by choice and most by necessity. And to be frank, I’m struggling… juggling pumping through the day, finding time to eat, and barely, finding time to obsessively take pictures of Wilder. The mom struggle is real whether you’re at home and working, or studying, or chasing extra pairs of tiny feet, or doing it all alone.
Not for a minute, do I want to believe that anyone, no matter how much it seems, has it easy as a mom. This is important because the moments I feel most defeated is when I think, what am I doing wrong or why is it easier for them? My most recent dialogues (internally and with my husband) include: How does their baby sleep 11 hours? When will I have a moment to breathe? Is there something wrong with our baby or us? THERE’S GOTTA BE SOMETHING WRONG.
Well, this is the “how to” for the average woman who wants to celebrate motherhood while (seemingly) balancing everything and more:
You need to shower. A proper shaving included shower with your favorite body wash. My go-to is L’OCCITANE Cleansing And Softening Shower Oil With Almond Oil because it feels luxurious and yet weightless, when I rinse. Plus the reviews are insane for this body wash… lather this on, and you’ll feel aaaaa-maaaa-zing. This is also the time to invest in some fancy shampoo and conditioner. Partly because you’re losing SO much hair everyday and mainly, because it’s an easy treat that’s available 24/7. I find that small things like showering or enjoying a bubble tea at my favorite cafe reminds me that I’m a full human again. And I’m pretty sure my son has a better time with me when I don’t smell so bad.
A major turning point for me as a new mom was when first, my baby passed the two month mark and second, when I set a daily schedule. Before the two month mark it’s hard to make a schedule since your baby’s feeding and nap times are just getting calibrated (read more about our breastfeeding journey here & here). But for us, the two month mark meant approximately the same wake up time and bedtime. This also meant farewell to my snoozy mornings and hello to productivity! But, there’s always a long laundry list of things to do and an adorable baby who will change your schedule in a heartbeat. My way to survive: make a plan for each day and set out to do the most important items only. If you do more, great! Those are bonus items. This helped me not get frustrated when baby was extra needy that day or I got only a few things done.
When I feel defeated and just plain exhausted, I remind myself this is a season. Just like when the full leaves of spring wither down to winter’s barrenness, this is a necessary time and purpose. There will be an end to Wilder’s constant night feedings and his incessant need to be held all the time (my prince, literally). And the reality that this will pass, as freeing as it can feel, also means that you need to soak in everything. The good, the bad, the sleep depriving, and panic inducing too. Make this your morning motto to help wake up and face the day with a thankful heart. Since even nature trusts God with the necessity of each season, so should we.
On any given week night, you can find me gallivanting down the aisles of Trader Joe’s and sneaking my third sample from their post. But… grocery shopping can be a huge time waster as well as cooking meals. Especially if neither of things are not enjoyable. Eva Chen (my favorite Instagram mom) answered in her recent story, that she too, automates things like groceries to balance it all. I recommend looking into a meal and/or grocery delivery services to make dinner a breeze! We currently use a local restaurant’s (12 baskets Side Dishes Service) weekly dinner service and so far, we like it! First, they deliver to you on a specific day with a combination of side dishes and main meals. Second, it’s fairly inexpensive and takes the guess work out of dinner and groceries. The portions are average but everything has been super tasty and nothing beats delivery “home cooked” Korean food! Currently, you place your order for the week on KakaoTalk and my husband is in charge of that. If you’d like more information, DM on Instagram and I’ll forward you the contact info!
This is one I’m practicing but still wrestling with. I love to say “Yes!” and pile on as many things as I can. However, with my limited energy and time, saying no is one of the best ways to make time for crucial things. And for me that means less dates with friends, and more family and quiet times. As a extravert it’s hard to postpone or say no, to complete the piled laundry and vacuum (since it’s been a week) but sometimes, it’s very needed. Motherhood can be lonely and stressful especially the whole keeping human alive and happy while maintaining a sanitary clean house (a huge feat for us!). Thank God for phone calls and texts that get us through breastfeeding and even Instagram stories to update family/friends that we’re alive and well. Just until I get this whole cleaning, baby nurturing, working, loving wife and daughter thing figured out… see you all in the next decade?
All this to say, I want to be real. I still wake up in zombie mode after co-sleeping (sleep training post coming soon. spoiler alert! we failed.) and longingly remember my care-free days. However, little things like my “lavish” 20 mins showers to delivery service and even saying no (to the excess!) make life a LOT more manageable. To all my single ladies or newlyweds, enjoy the full bed to yourselves and seamlessly pulling it together. To my mamas out there, cheers to fighting for our days and fiercely loving our littles ones even when it feels all impossible. You’re doing great.
Yup. Guilty. I gained 60lbs during my pregnancy. For a better idea of what this means, this was another 50% of my body weight that I added on. I imagined that I’d eat to my heart out and still look like most of the slender …
The first weekend of this month, we celebrated our son’s 100 day! It was technically his 112th day but you know, that doesn’t roll off the tongue as easily. On his actual 100 day, we did a mini-celebration but we also wanted to celebrate with …
You know what’s really scary? The first few months of breastfeeding. It’s fragmented moments of high stress and pain– all while being sleep deprived and desperately needing concealer or better yet, a hot shower. As Ali Wong described in her new special, our tender babies attack our nipples liken when the bear from The Revenant violently rips through Leonardo DiCaprio (we feel you, Leo!) And yet, when we think things have normalize, our babies throws us another curve ball. Enter Cluster Feeding.
Cluster feeding, also called bunch feeding, is when babies space feeding closer together at certain times of the day and go longer between feedings at other times. Cluster feeding often coincides with your baby’s fussy time. Baby will nurse a few minutes, pull off, fuss/cry, nurse a few minutes, pull off, fuss/cry… on and on… for hours.
Cluster Feeding and Fussy Evenings • Kellymom.com
https://kellymom.com/parenting/parenting-faq/fussy-evening/
Once my baby began to finally latch, he started to develop an erratic eating schedule (dun dun dun). To the point where my entire day was breastfeeding on loop. Wilder would feed for five minutes and then pass out. I’d try anything and everything to get a very drowsy baby awake to continue feeding. He would be uninterested until I tried to do anything else, and then he’d want to eat again. His feedings would take almost an hour, just to get his fill. Then a short hour later, we’d have to do the whole process over again. A short google search later, I shrugged it off and thought, “Ah Ha! It’s must be cluster feeding.”
His routine of eating was exhausting but worth it, because we had just overcome a huge hurdle just to get him to breastfeed. If I hadn’t had the euphoria from finally getting him to latch, I would have given up.
After a few long weeks of this, I started to get worried. More than anything I wondered if, in his short intervals of feeding, he was getting enough to eat. I decided to visit a lactation consultant that was recommended to me by a friend.
Since we were going on three weeks of constant around the clock cluster feeding, something else was going on.
At our session, Jennifer watched us as we fed. She said his positioning, latch and weight gain looked good. Except his “cluster feeding” was not normal. Since we were going on three weeks of constant around the clock cluster feeding, something else was going on. During our 1.5 hour session, he managed to eat barely 3 oz over several small feedings. This meant whenever he ate for five minutes, he was definitely not getting enough.
Jennifer discovered that he had a slight tongue tie towards the back of his tongue. One that was minor and had gone undetected at our regular pediatrician visits. Luckily, it wouldn’t cause any major problems with speech or his dental hygiene if left alone. Still, it was causing him to exert extra energy to feed since his tongue wasn’t moving as freely as it should. She recommended consider seeking a ENT for a second opinion or waiting till he got a little older to see if his tongue would get stronger. However, she couldn’t guarantee that it would change or improve the situation even if he got his tongue tie sniped.
We decided that we wanted to wait before getting his tongue tie checked out. Mind you, this also meant I would continue to spend most of the day feeding but at least, I knew that it wasn’t just cluster feeding. Since I had spent so many days already on his schedule, it didn’t feel as overwhelming. It was actually weirdly reassuring to know that it wasn’t normal and the fact that we made it this far was amazing.
About two weeks later, he began to feed for longer periods of time. Slowly but surely, I could tell that feeding was becoming easier for him as well. His eating times were also gradually getting longer. I’m glad we waited to see if it would resolve, since there was no guarantee things would change after a tongue tie procedure. Our pediatrician also recommended waiting until around the 100 day mark to see if things would resolve. Thankfully by the end of month two, things got much better.
Like the uniqueness of our lovable babies, every breastfeeding experience will be different. My journey has been quite bumpy. We’ve had the lowest of lows (read here) and some big victories at the same time. Some are lucky enough to have an easier time than others while others barely survive (ME!) but whichever camp you’re a part of, it will get easier with time. If my experience is similar to yours, I highly recommend seeking help just to ease your already stressful mind. At the end of the day, a fed baby is a happy baby whether it’s from a bottle or the breast! This is tough mama, but you’ll get through it.
Comment below of the obstacles you’ve had to overcome as a new mama. Breastfeeding related or not! Please feel free to email me or DM on my Instagram (follow me!) if you have any questions about my experience.
Here’s the thing: I don’t know the science behind wearing bras at home but even if I did, I wouldn’t wear them. I just can’t. I’m all about comfort especially when it comes to lounging at home. But then I had a baby and my …
About two weeks ago, my close friend Jinnie asked me what I was doing the following Tuesday night. I immediately said nothing (stay at home mom life) and she invited me to go to The Color Factory. I knew I wanted to go but had to …
Before I got pregnant, I had a small idea of what pregnancy was actually going to be like. I figured I’d gain some weight (mainly in my stomach), waddle a good amount, and crave peanut butter dipped pickles. Turns out, there were a few not so friendly attributes, mixed in with the good, of pregnancy I wasn’t prepared for. Whether you’re expecting or will be in the future, here’s what Instagram misses about pregnancy:
But I find solace with the reality that stretch marks will happen whether you lotion, oil, or Crisco yourself on the daily.
Surprise! Stretch marks can cover a third of your body. I was one of the lucky ones who has stretch marks on my thighs, butt, back and stomach. During pregnancy, they were a bit lighter than they are now. Actually, after labor I’m convinced my stretch marks panicked and got deeper. Before you ask, yes I did slather myself with oil throughout my pregnancy to avoid these stretch marks. But I find solace with the reality that stretch marks will happen whether you lotion, oil, or Crisco yourself on the daily. Will I wear a itty bitty bikini in the near future? Probably not. Most likely for your benefit and mine. Is it the end of the world? Not even close. I’ve always been a jeans and t-shirt kind of gal anyways. Plus, a nice pair of jeans thankfully don’t reveal the texture of our butts.
Long ago, someone coined the term “morning’ sickness. Not exactly the most accurate term, since most moms deal with it throughout the day. I got hit HARD with nausea and vomiting around the six week mark of my pregnancy. The toilet was my fair weather friend around the clock while food was a frenemy, I desperately wanted to make up with. I made it through three weeks of what I thought would be the worst of it before making an appointment with my OBGYN. Initially, I did feel a sort of defeat because I wanted to avoid medications. But despite the concerns of other people (who weren’t going through it with me), I’m thankful I finally got help. Once I filled my prescription, it was a world of a difference for me. I could get through the day without throwing up once (compared to a couple dozen times) and I’d feel so much better about pregnancy. Just ’cause you’re tossing your cookies doesn’t mean you have to dread pregnancy. Seek medical advice and/or medication if you’re starting a monogamous relationship with your toilet. You’ll be back enjoying your fried Oreos, hot Cheetos, or pickles in no time.
I remember vividly taking a hot shower around the five month mark and letting out a gasp. I had lifted my underarm to find that my usual stubble had been replaced with a giant asphalt stamp covering my entire armpit. Horrified, I scrubbed and scrubbed to no avail. This was just the next step upon the invasion of dark spots upon my once uniformed skin. My linea nigra (a dark line that goes down your belly) had followed the old wive’s tale and grown from the tippy top of my stomach down deep into my pubic bone. My once cherished belly button piercing spot transformed into a dark scar (to my sixteen year old self: think twice about that piercing!). Who knew that pigment could be so dark and invasive? I’m more than two months out and seems like all my spots have renewed their lease. Oy.
This was my husband’s favorite ailment I adopted during pregnancy. Mainly because I had pitted edema which is a fancy term for your body turning into play doh whenever pressure is applied. My husband would record videos as he pressed his index finger into my swollen feet and watch as the indent lingered and then slowly rise back up. I called my OBGYN office numerous times convinced I must have preeclampsia or a blood clot because of the severity of my swelling. Thankfully, I didn’t have either… just a bad case of swelling. So much so that I had to buy new shoes because none of my shoes fit! I went from a 7.5 to a 9 well before my third trimester. Hear me out, I love shoes but buying ones just to accommodate my ever expanding feet ain’t even close to the Manolo purchasing experience I’d dreamt of.
To be fair, Instagram does show clips of parents hearing the first heart beat and flutters of movement inside the belly. But there’s nothing that can prepare you for having a new life inside your body. Since our son was a beautiful surprise baby, I had no idea what to expect. In fact, I wasn’t even sure if I wanted babies anytime soon! Still, nothing will melt your growing mommy’s heart than feeling the movements of your baby even, dare I say, the jabs to the lungs. So keep your phone nearby, ready to record because your baby might be camera shy or dad might not be nearby. Most importantly, savor each hiccup, kick and thump because they are moments not everyone has the chance to experience.
Whether you are the kale smoothie yogaholic pregnant lady or the kind who gains 60 lbs (read how I survived: post coming soon!), enjoy the process! There’s a lot going on and like I shared above, some not so pretty stuff. All in all, this is a miracle and the months will fly by. I promise, you’ll miss the days of rubbing the good ‘ole round tummy and euphoria of anticipating your new addition. I know I sure do.
He Didn’t Latch Moments after his birth, my son was whisked away to be checked by the pediatrician without my first touch. Our birth story was dramatic in a way if you will, but I was just thankful he was here and healthy. When he …