thriving in motherhood
This year to celebrate summer, our family along with our close friends, Yeon and Rob, decided to go on a short getaway to the Hamptons. Juwon and I went to Montauk for our Babymoon a few years ago and hadn’t been back in the area …
I’m what they call a “frequent flyer” to the emergency room. In the past, it’s been: shingles (at 19, no less), a concussion and sprained neck, some mysterious viral infection, repercussions from being rear-ended, the list goes on. The following to say: I’m no stranger …
Ah, potty training, teaching our little ones a seemingly intuitive life skill through exhaustion and a manual that works for everyone, right? Wrong. Exhaustion is right– but every child is unique (even if it would be easier to have a one size fits all), which means every battle is different.
My husband pulled the trigger on wanting to potty train earlier than I had anticipated. Probably because he does the heavy lifting (figuratively and literally) of changing Wilder’s packed diapers at an exponentially greater rate than I do. And that’s why, my friends, I married him.
But since I would be the one leading the pack on our potty training endeavor, I had many apprehensions and doubts. More so, I was lacking the confidence to really get this train going. I did what any modern mom would do; I scoured the web to find different takes on the whole potty training process. After a good day or two, I felt most comfortable with the three-day potty training method.
First, I felt like it is a good temperature reading on whether we all could make it through potty training. If Wilder was resistant and/or it was miserable for all of us, I could make the easy call to walk away.
Second, it’s short and sweet, in theory. The goal is to use three concentrated days to get your toddler familiar with the urge to go, making it in time to the toilet, and enjoying the freedom of underwear. The intensity of it all and solid track record is pretty convincing that it works.
However, all the warnings were written on the walls of an intense three days as in– you can’t even leave the house or prepare food– exhaustion. I didn’t agree with everything, so I decided to make some personal modifications to tailor it better for our family. It’s not for everyone and depends on well, your child.
If parenthood teaches you anything, it’s that we (parents) can’t force anything especially, on younger kiddos.
Even before he turned two, Wilder has shown interest in the toilet for a few months now. I even considered training him earlier because he was vocal about his bowel movements, taking off his diaper, and barging into the bathroom to flush my toilet. Naturally, we began talking about saying adios to his diapers and having him use the toilet. He seemed excited about the process and it helped that Wilder loves new things and surprises!
We chose to start on a Saturday so by Monday, when Juwon went to work, Wilder would get the basic understanding. A big motivation to start was also because summer break was ending and wouldn’t have a free weekend for a while. *Writer’s Note: We started in August about a month after his 2nd birthday!
The original method suggests juice or ice pops to help get the urge going. However, we prefer not to introduce juice to Wilder until he’s old enough to ask! We stocked up on his favorite snacks and made smoothies to keep him occupied and ready to go!
The night before, we told Wilder we would say good-bye to his diapers. He said his good-byes and blew some kisses before the husband discreetly put them into our hallway closet.
The morning of, we had our grand reveal, our Elmo-themed rewards chart hung up, steps leading up to his toilet, and a misfitting toilet seat cover.
Rookie Tip #1: Always prep by trying out the toilet seat cover and stairs. We waited until the night before and unfortunately, the seat didn’t fit well. Our stairs were too high. I contemplated using this as an excuse to delay, but we decided to just go for it!
We decided to use pull-ups for naps/nighttime because frankly, I didn’t want to clean the sheets and figured we will go over that hurdle when the time comes.
One of the core components of the Three Day Method is a pantless toddler to spot accidents and the need to pee quickly. Some parents choose to go with underwear instead, but we went cold-naked butt-turkey.
The first day is madness. You’ll need a coffee, make that three, and patience. By 7:40 AM, Wilder had two accidents while completely pantless. By 9:10 AM, he peed near the couch but my mad dash to the toilet made a few drops into the bowl. I yelped as I watched him (don’t recommend) and I think his shock kept his pee in a few extra minutes. Success!
He picked out his first Sesame Street sticker and attempted to negotiate his way to place it wherever he wanted. Sorry– I made him put it promptly under Saturday. We celebrated his few drops with cheering and clapping.
Over the next 10 hours, we had a timer on our phone for 15 minutes. We would either take him to go or he would politely decline. The goal was to avoid forcing our son onto the toilet, which wasn’t a problem because he was eager to go through the whole process– peeing, wiping with tissue paper, flushing, and washing his hands equals stickers!
He had a total of 10 accidents and made it onto the toilet 12 times. Of course, we had escorted him at least double that number.
Rookie Tip #2: Expect to be exhausted. Aim for a good 8-9 hours of sleep the night before. Eat snacks alongside your toddler and avoid other strenuous activities. We ordered takeout for dinner, but I wish we did for lunch as well. Prep food in advance to minimize energy expenditure. The first day is a MARATHON SPRINT.
Same routine as day one. But now, Wilder could respond with a more convincing response when we asked him if he needed to pee or poop. The morning was great with NO accidents and several successful trips to the bathroom. Day one is definitely hell-week in one day and Day two is like the rest day that you never thought would come. By the late afternoon, Wilder would answer and lead us to the bathroom. He was taking more of the initiative of going to the bathroom. We still used stickers (at least a few that would fit on the chart) and celebrated each time he went!
Before bedtime, he had fifteen total successful trips and two minor accidents. A huge improvement from the first day. We all felt better and optimistic after day two.
Rookie Tip #3: Accidents will happen! Be mindful of your response. It took a conscious effort to not be discouraged or negative. We chose to focus on the wins, ie. if he finished peeing in the toilet, instead of the accidents. No matter how on board your toddler can seem, this process is a change and possibly stressful for them too!
Our approach to Day three was much more relaxed than the previous days. No more worrying if he had somehow forgotten overnight. Now that he had become familiar with the routine, he had less frequent trips to the bathroom. He did have two small accidents, but we weren’t phased by them. By this day, he could clearly respond with a yes or no about heading to the bathroom.
Rookie Tip #4: Be flexible with the charting process. We started strong with adding stickers almost every trip, but then slowly weaned off them. Mainly because Wilder would forget and we had no room! Think: celebrating the actual win and emphasizing the reward less.
We washed and prepared the newest reveal, sesame street underwear! I told him again, the night before, he would be wearing sesame street underwear. He was excited to have choices and the transition was smooth between pantless to underwear. We expected some accidents with this additional transition, but overall, he was happy to be in his underwear and more confident to initiate going to the bathroom.
Rookie Tip #5: Buy two different sizes of underwear and a decent amount. The first size was a bit tight so I decided to order more of the same print in a bigger size. Plus, during the transition process, your child might have a bad accident and it’s in-a-way easier just to throw out the pair.
I was pleasantly surprised! The whole process was quick and while things are not perfect, I am pretty confident in Wilder. We’ll continue to reinforce wearing underwear and communicating his bathroom needs. As he gets older, I’ll pay closer attention to his nighttime habits to switch to regular underwear overnight. But honestly, we are just thrilled to say good-bye to daytime diapers!
Again, readiness for yourself and your child can be completely different. While this method mostly worked for us, it’s not one-size-fits-all and that’s perfectly okay! Even with our sleep training experience, we adapted methods that fit our needs and preferences. With anything, be encouraged by your child’s successes and patient with the process.
We successfully potty trained our son using the steps I described above. He’s still using pull-ups for naps and diapers for the night, but I sense the transition out of them completely soon. During the day, he goes by himself and adamantly refuses to let us help him. The whole nine yards from putting the seat cover, moving his steps, to washing his hands with soap– he’s in control. Safe to say, it’s a Bootcamp for the whole family during the process but worthwhile. I mean, learning how to use the bathroom independently is just one of the skills I hope to impart in my child before he leaves the nest… so I’ll call this a win until the next milestone comes to intimidate us all.
This past week was Wilder’s 2nd Birthday! In true mom-on-summer-break fashion, I decided to plan an intimate birthday party– quarantine style. Not an easy feat considering, I tend to do things last minute and I wanted to avoid going into any stores to purchase items. …
This post contains affiliate links that help to support the blog at no additional cost to you. Your support helps keep this space on the internet running and serves everyone who visits. After Wilder came along, I was convinced that we’d never sleep. When we …
Leave it to me–to figure the last month of 2019 is when I should really get it together. Something about the end of the year and the start of something completely new… leads us procrastinator types to jump into high gear. I’d love to totally Kondo my apartment, write like a hundred more blog posts, and aesthetically decorate every square inch BUT… I’m human and more importantly, a working mom. So I’ve decided to focus my time and energy into these FIVE sacred things to help me celebrate and prepare for the new year:
The holidays equal more reasons to say yes to seconds and JIM who? But let’s be real here. I haven’t worked out in a hot minute till I tried yoga while my one year old napped… only to have him wake up midway. But the new year plus holidays, remind me to love my body by eating real food (less Toll House) and bringing up my heart rate. It’s a hung jury on whether I’ll actually commit to a gym but what I can say is– I will intentionally bookmark Youtube work out videos. It’s a start right?
On the real real, I will intentionally say yes to more water, greens, home cooked meals and submit a pregnant pause to more alcohol, Netflix, and Van Leeuwen. I don’t know why’d you join me– but consider it?
I love celebrations and I love keeping up with the Joneses Kardashians. So whenever a sweet, photogenic, family pops up my Instagram explore page with another tradition to honor Christmas or whatever… I’ll add it to my list. Only to feel guilty about the lack of perfectly coordinated Christmas ornaments and monogramed stockings hung on our non-existent fireplace. Therefore, I’m all about going ALL out but being really OK about doing it my way.
I still plan on probably unsuccessfully baking two types of cookies on Christmas Eve. We’ve already purchased a (gasp!) pre-guilt gingerbread house. Our good ‘ole skinny artificial tree has been lit up since before Thanksgiving. We’re doing it. We love it. But we’ll focus on the bigger moments like cherishing Advent and going the whole nine yards– our way. No apologies necessary.
I’m an English teacher by choice and therefore, I’ll mantra and convince you that reading WILL save change your life. But in the busy-ness of everything and the easy-ness of Netflix/Hulu/ Disney+ (not a coincidence), reading and meditating takes a back seat. Since the start of Advent and leading up to the true celebration of Jesus’ Birth, I’ve decided to read one chapter a day in the Gospel of Luke. This will conveniently lead us up to the New Year!
I’ve also decided to try reading the Message translation because why not? Either way, I wanted to keep myself accountable but also in a bite-size way. I’m hoping that this will springboard into more reading for the new year as well. If you’d like to join or follow me– find me on my Instagram!
This seems obvious but as an impressionable consumer, I need to look at the things I have. Without a proper tally or knowledge, I’ll end up buying things I don’t need and covet things that aren’t for me. It’s all about recognizing the things we have before we start looking at what we don’t have. It all started with my black-hole closet when I realized, I have FIVE chunky knit sweaters.
Side Bar: No girl really needs FIVE chunky knit sweaters. I’d rather have two chunky one and three thinner and more layer-able sweaters. Now moving forward, I’ll stay away from the chunky ones.
This is really to say– I’ll be decluttering and organizing my house to practice gratitude and recognize that I don’t really need all that stuff. And maybe the exhausting decluttering will help me realize that… having stuff is just a pain. Think minimally. It’s never too late… even if you’re like me and are one too many chunky knits deep.
Excuse me– while I scroll through my Photo Stream and ugly cry over all the memories with our family. It’s time to actually stop and watch that three minute video just to catch your baby uncontrollably giggling. It’s time to cherish all the good, bad, and ugly that has unfolded. I’m still amazed that I now have an 16 month old baby and we’ve all (relatively) made it! We’ve survived two job switches, a move, a first birthday, two dozen illnesses and the daily grind of ADULTING. Cheers to another year of joys and memories that remind us how precious life can be!
Whether your list looks similar or not at all, it’s important to celebrate! A full year of life with so much blessing– even through the hard times– is necessary to celebrate! In case, you were waiting for permission to cheer for your amazing/average/sub-par year… GO FOR IT. The more we take as good and gratitude, the easier it is to live in thanksgiving and grow for a new year. Because ready or not– here comes the next best decade of our lives!
Wilder’s first birthday was an ode to an overflow of God’s blessing and provision in our life. Our little one had finally turned one without much hiccup, although– not without a few dozen doctor appointments, serious sleep deprived nights, and an endless supply of laughs. …
Before you go gung-ho about definitely breastfeeding, you need to consider the extra costs. A younger, slightly more naive version of myself assumed that it would be free! Although this was a tragically wrong assumption, it carried me through wrestling with my newborn who refused …
The first week of 2019 went exactly the opposite than I had imagined. I caught a bug/cold leading to minimal productivity and too much British Bake Off (although– is there really such a thing? @Netflix). My feed exploded with pristine check lists with all the boxes checked, while I barely lifted my rubbish head from the bed. So of course, #FOMO pulled up, fast and furious. You know the feeling.
As both a working and new mom, it’s hard to be a stranger to #FOMO or colloquially, the fear of missing out. But once my sickness hit and plans were scrapped, the fear heightened. Even though, the idea of showering and blow drying my hair exhausted me, I was insistent on keeping our plans. Luckily, the hubs put his foot down for both my health and the baby.
The reality is that parenting in general is hard. But in our technology infused generations, the pressure for relevancy doubles. Especially, since we can literally keep up with everyone’s stories and feeds. Here’s how #FOMO affects millennial parenting (& how to deal):
This is hard. We live in a digital age where the highlight reel reminds us– that sometimes we can barely get it together while what feels like the whole world is balancing everything, perfectly. But as a new parent, there is a need for caution and blinders when it causes anxiety or unnecessary stress to keep up. Instagram doesn’t show everything and if you can’t make it to the birthday party, and bake organic, gluten-free, keto friendly treats for Sunday school while meal planning for the week– it’s not just you. Instead, let them eat (store bought) cake and kindly let the birthday queen or prince know in advance! The goal is prioritize as a family and let things go especially when you’re not feeling well.
Moms -in particular- tend to be enthusiastically ambitious about how much we can do and it often leads to overbooking. The fear leads to overbooking because in the moment, you see what you want and bam, you lock yourself in. Saying “YES” is an emotional response and if you’re like me, you WANT to be able to do everything. However, this leads to burnt out moms and dads, and even crankier babies. As a parent, we need to anticipate the extra getting baby ready time, the ran out of diapers scenario, and baby’s necessary nap and bedtime. Lots of work, right? Save yourself the rush and be minimal in your plans. And instead of canceling last minute, practice being intentional about your yes and no– it makes for a happier family and less grumbly friends.
The inevitable reality is that your social life will shift. More friends coming over than meeting at restaurants and definitely less nights out. But this shift is temporary, your social butterfly alter ego will be out on the town before you know it. It’s important to recognize your baby’s tendencies as well, some can’t nap while out and ’bout while others thrive. See this as a excuse for more family time and opportunities for rest.
Our culture perpetually tells us, we can and should do more. Or did you leave your Peloton screen on again? (Cody Rigsby– IMY). In any case, raising a baby in this busy world is worrisome. My hope is that instead of instilling doing more and keeping up with what’s around us; I’ll model practices of rest and stillness. Busyness does not equate to success nor does it remind us that God is in control. I hope to encourage Wilder that his identity is not in the things he does but rather, rooted in who God declares him to be. Here’s to raising up a generation that fights #FOMO and encourages stillness rather than comparison and relevancy.
Look, I don’t pretend to have it together– but I do know that my great sickness of 2019 reminded me that I gotta hit pause. And if you’re like me, I didn’t even know I could press pause. Even though, Wilder’s still a wee baby (stop growing, you!) I know I need to be intentional now rather than later. If I don’t begin changing my habits of rushing and exerting myself too much, my son will notice. He will notice my lack of patience, frustrations in traffic, sighing at my Instagram feed. So– before #FOMO gets the best of you and soon– your little ones, let’s practice being mindful and pause when we really need to.
There’s a mix of excitement and pressure to make your baby’s first Christmas special. It doesn’t help that most moms are killing it on Instagram with their crafty ornaments, matching pjs, and color coordinated Christmas trees. Real talk, I still haven’t put up our Christmas …
There are plenty of glorious, feel-good, and warm your soul moments of motherhood. Discovering your baby’s cradle cap is not one of them. Cradle cap is a collection of yellowish, crusty, or greasy scales that form on your baby’s scalp. I might have a lower …
Before I got pregnant, I had a small idea of what pregnancy was actually going to be like. I figured I’d gain some weight (mainly in my stomach), waddle a good amount, and crave peanut butter dipped pickles. Turns out, there were a few not so friendly attributes, mixed in with the good, of pregnancy I wasn’t prepared for. Whether you’re expecting or will be in the future, here’s what Instagram misses about pregnancy:
But I find solace with the reality that stretch marks will happen whether you lotion, oil, or Crisco yourself on the daily.
Surprise! Stretch marks can cover a third of your body. I was one of the lucky ones who has stretch marks on my thighs, butt, back and stomach. During pregnancy, they were a bit lighter than they are now. Actually, after labor I’m convinced my stretch marks panicked and got deeper. Before you ask, yes I did slather myself with oil throughout my pregnancy to avoid these stretch marks. But I find solace with the reality that stretch marks will happen whether you lotion, oil, or Crisco yourself on the daily. Will I wear a itty bitty bikini in the near future? Probably not. Most likely for your benefit and mine. Is it the end of the world? Not even close. I’ve always been a jeans and t-shirt kind of gal anyways. Plus, a nice pair of jeans thankfully don’t reveal the texture of our butts.
Long ago, someone coined the term “morning’ sickness. Not exactly the most accurate term, since most moms deal with it throughout the day. I got hit HARD with nausea and vomiting around the six week mark of my pregnancy. The toilet was my fair weather friend around the clock while food was a frenemy, I desperately wanted to make up with. I made it through three weeks of what I thought would be the worst of it before making an appointment with my OBGYN. Initially, I did feel a sort of defeat because I wanted to avoid medications. But despite the concerns of other people (who weren’t going through it with me), I’m thankful I finally got help. Once I filled my prescription, it was a world of a difference for me. I could get through the day without throwing up once (compared to a couple dozen times) and I’d feel so much better about pregnancy. Just ’cause you’re tossing your cookies doesn’t mean you have to dread pregnancy. Seek medical advice and/or medication if you’re starting a monogamous relationship with your toilet. You’ll be back enjoying your fried Oreos, hot Cheetos, or pickles in no time.
I remember vividly taking a hot shower around the five month mark and letting out a gasp. I had lifted my underarm to find that my usual stubble had been replaced with a giant asphalt stamp covering my entire armpit. Horrified, I scrubbed and scrubbed to no avail. This was just the next step upon the invasion of dark spots upon my once uniformed skin. My linea nigra (a dark line that goes down your belly) had followed the old wive’s tale and grown from the tippy top of my stomach down deep into my pubic bone. My once cherished belly button piercing spot transformed into a dark scar (to my sixteen year old self: think twice about that piercing!). Who knew that pigment could be so dark and invasive? I’m more than two months out and seems like all my spots have renewed their lease. Oy.
This was my husband’s favorite ailment I adopted during pregnancy. Mainly because I had pitted edema which is a fancy term for your body turning into play doh whenever pressure is applied. My husband would record videos as he pressed his index finger into my swollen feet and watch as the indent lingered and then slowly rise back up. I called my OBGYN office numerous times convinced I must have preeclampsia or a blood clot because of the severity of my swelling. Thankfully, I didn’t have either… just a bad case of swelling. So much so that I had to buy new shoes because none of my shoes fit! I went from a 7.5 to a 9 well before my third trimester. Hear me out, I love shoes but buying ones just to accommodate my ever expanding feet ain’t even close to the Manolo purchasing experience I’d dreamt of.
To be fair, Instagram does show clips of parents hearing the first heart beat and flutters of movement inside the belly. But there’s nothing that can prepare you for having a new life inside your body. Since our son was a beautiful surprise baby, I had no idea what to expect. In fact, I wasn’t even sure if I wanted babies anytime soon! Still, nothing will melt your growing mommy’s heart than feeling the movements of your baby even, dare I say, the jabs to the lungs. So keep your phone nearby, ready to record because your baby might be camera shy or dad might not be nearby. Most importantly, savor each hiccup, kick and thump because they are moments not everyone has the chance to experience.
Whether you are the kale smoothie yogaholic pregnant lady or the kind who gains 60 lbs (read how I survived: post coming soon!), enjoy the process! There’s a lot going on and like I shared above, some not so pretty stuff. All in all, this is a miracle and the months will fly by. I promise, you’ll miss the days of rubbing the good ‘ole round tummy and euphoria of anticipating your new addition. I know I sure do.
He Didn’t Latch Moments after his birth, my son was whisked away to be checked by the pediatrician without my first touch. Our birth story was dramatic in a way if you will, but I was just thankful he was here and healthy. When he …
After Wilder was born, I shifted heavily towards face products that were moisturizing and easy. With a newborn around, I bid a quick farewell to my days of face masks and a wannabe 10 step skincare routine. I kept everything pretty minimal but I have …