The Life-Changing Magic of Sleep Training
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After Wilder came along, I was convinced that we’d never sleep. When we began to successfully breastfeed, I really knew that we’d never sleep. Since both my husband and I worked full-time, we prioritized poor sleep over no sleep. This meant I slept perpendicular on most days, while Wilder nursed throughout the night. Due to my low, low tolerance to my son’s tears, I could not bear sleep training him in our tiny one bedroom attic apartment. In fact, I tried one week when he was around 4 months old and gave up almost immediately.
But then, when we moved and Wilder turned one, we decided to give it a sincere shot. In addition, I had the summer off, so if we had to lose sleep I could still function during the day. At least this was the optimistic thought.
We spent about a week or so– full blown training him. I had followed a few sleep training social media channels, so I figured I could mix the parts I liked together and viola, baby sleep trained. It went sort of like that, but I’ll cut to the chase– it has changed our lives for the better.
Our son sleeps approximately 11-12 hours a night (7 PM- 6:30 AM) and mind you, he spent the first 12 months of his life exclusively co-sleeping and nursing to bed. If this isn’t magic, I don’t know what is!
Here’s what helped our sleep training journey:
1. Commitment
This is a full-on sign your name on the dotted line kind of commitment. Both parties (if there are two) should fully agree to the process of sleep training. It’s tiring, uncertain, and frustrating. You don’t really know how it’s going to go– the journey will certainly be arduous but the outcome… 100% worth it.
Depending on your cry-tolerance, you should designate one parent as the LEAD and one as the SUPPORT. Surprise, surprise, I was the support. If you know you can’t stand crying– I’d go with the support. If both parents cannot stand the crying, one needs to take one for the team (I suggest wearing ear plugs or AirPods).
The Lead can spend the first few moments enduring the crying baby and by the time, the baby is giving up…you (Support) can go into the soothe. Either role you chose, you’ll be actively involved: whether reminding the Lead to be patient or praying that the baby will give up.
2. Identify the right time
You may find that sleep training works for you and your family early on. In that case, please share your wealth with others. But for the most of us, it will take some time to recognize what time/moment is the best.
Since we were breastfeeding, I wanted to wait till he was older to sleep train him. This was a personal choice and I’m so glad we waited until Wilder was older.
We decided that shortly after his first birthday would be the best time. Since the summertime is notoriously busy with moving, parties, weddings, etc, we made sure to pick a week where there was nothing happening.
You’ll want to figure out a good 7-10 window with no travel, disruptions and plans that you cannot show up like a zombie… I mean tired.
3. Suit Up
Since Wilder was used to our bodies and comfort while co-sleeping, I wanted to find a sleep sack to ease the transition into his own crib, in his own room. My ideal sleep sack was 100% cotton and served a specific purpose other than a glorified sleeping bag. I stumbled upon the Nested Bean which is a sleep sack with lightly weighted beads sewn inside an adorable ‘bean’ near the baby’s chest. I know what you’re thinking, weighted beads could pose a risk for breathing or simply put, every mom’s nightmare. However, Wilder was over one and their suits have tested exceeding rigorous safety standards! We’ve only used the Zen Sack in both Medium and Large, but Wilder loves it and it’s embedded in his sleep time routine.
I’d highly recommended looking into a sleep sack to ease the transition for baby–especially if they’ve been used to co-sleeping.
4. Assess Baby’s Sleeping Environment
Most average babies (sorry Wilder, you’re definitely average for this) are sensitive sleepers; whether it’s due to gas, temperature, sound, light exposure, etc. The list could truly go on. In order to set up for success in your sleep training journey, you need to make sure you have your bases covered, so that baby –in theory– has nothing to complain (cry) about.
Here are the few basics:
- Dark Blinds/Black Out is ideal for creating a dark, sleep inducing environment especially for spring/summer time training.
- White Noise to block out neighbors, a typical argument over dishes, last-minute vacuuming, an episode of Schitt’s Creek, or even silence… because why not. (Trust me, babies care.) We use this one (travel version) daily. We don’t travel… much. But a family can dream.
- Temperature– Keep it cool around 65-72 degrees. Clothe baby in breathable fabrics before sleeping. Our son is a sweaty baby so, we avoid footie pajamas!
- Removing hazardous pillows + blankets + accessories, especially if you are sleep training younger. We keep our son’s crib away from anything decorative and there’s clear one-foot radius around the crib.
5. The Third Eye
If you don’t have a camera, I would invest in one before sleep training. We use an indoor Nest Camera, I picked up during a Walmart Black Friday sale. It can be spotty at times but it’s gets the job done. Plus, it’s pretty sleek and unintrusive for room decor.
Without a camera, it’s hard to assess the stage your child has reached during the sleep training process. You can look at the camera to see if your child is jumping and crying, or standing and crying, or nearly passed out but crying. This is helpful to determine if you should intervene. Also– the camera calms your nerves about whether your baby is crying for comfort and/or if because something is very wrong. Finally, the camera gives you the greatest joy when your child finally nods off to sleep– you can literally repeat these five seconds as many times as your weary heart needs it.
It’s basically hired help, and even better once your child is sleep trained to check up on your child’s breathing or positioning. Every night before I pass out, I zoom into his pixelated chest to check he is breathing OK. And unashamed, I probably will until he’s 20.
6. Method
I left this last because I am certainly no expert on the sleep training methods. I basically designed one myself using a little bit of advice from here and there. And honestly, every baby is different so, one thing may not work for you. Did I consider hiring someone to help us? Yes. Many times… when Hilary Duff does it– it’s 100% good enough for me. But in the end, we just followed the aforementioned Steps 1-5 and just did it.
What techniques/advice did I consider?
- Early bedtime– most of the sleep consultants I followed or stories I saw talked about overtired babies and compensating with earlier than average bedtimes. For the most part, we agree. Our son sleeps easily at 7 PM most days. On days when he has a weak nap (less than 2 hours), we might adjust with an earlier bedtime.
- Creating a bedtime routine: We primarily used the sleep sack as the clear transition to bedtime. Now it’s more refined with usually a bath, a book, and a long sip of water once he’s in his sleep sack.
- Cry it out + Check/Console: The first few days of sleep training, we went in with intervals. After x amount of time of crying, with the intervals growing each time. So the first night, we went in several times and he basically did not sleep. Nor did we. As the days went on and the intervals grew longer, he started to figure it out. Eventually, he would cry less and sleep sooner. But with whatever method you chose, it will take some time. Don’t be afraid to adjust but commit to sleep training. Give yourselves a good week at least to sleep train.
- Adjustments: There will be some days/weeks that may change even after sleep training. Just like anything in parenthood, be patient and know it will pass (even if it doesn’t feel like it will)! If all else fails, just reset and try training again. Nothing is perfect and nothing is an end all solution. Thank God– because I’d fail all the time then.
- Follow a few sleep gurus on Instagram or Facebook: I followed @Dreambabysleep and while, I didn’t purchase or consult them directly– I watched a few LIVE videos and Q+A stories to get a gist of their recommended advice.
There’s really no perfect solution, plan or even people to execute the sleep training process. It’s time consuming and tiring, but it’s worth it. We now have the WHOLE bed to ourselves and enjoy personal time after 7 PM. It’s restored our sleep cycles and given back a sliver of normalcy after baby.