He Didn’t Latch

Moments after his birth, my son was whisked away to be checked by the pediatrician without my first touch. Our birth story was dramatic in a way if you will, but I was just thankful he was here and healthy. When he returned to me a good while later, he couldn’t and didn’t latch. He wasn’t even remotely interested in feeding. (Later my lactation consultant would tell me how strange and abnormal this was) I wasn’t discouraged yet, because I’d had heard many stories about the difficulties of breastfeeding. I decided to be positive and trust that soon, he would latch. 

Fast forward to his first few days of life, he still wouldn’t latch. I tried to hand express, use a nipple shield, and spent topless hours with my baby. We left the hospital with a clear trash bag filled with formula, single use nipples and a slightly dented confidence about breastfeeding. 

It would take three weeks for my son to officially start breastfeeding. Everything else felt like a failed attempt or a building block to begin breastfeeding (on my more positive days). 21 days with feedings that starting with an attempt and ending with a plastic bottle half filled with Similac formula, half filled with defeat. Then finally, like there was no prologue or formula (the math kind), he began to latch for one feeding, then two, and then for almost all his feedings. My girlfriends told me relentlessly before his birth that breastfeeding does get easier; and for me it did, but these five things definitely helped the (deep breath) tumultuous process:

1. My Spectra Pump 

The advice I was given at the hospital was to pump regularly from day one to help my supply. So, I began pumping about every two-three hours from day one. I held onto the advice of the lactation consultant and continued this pattern with my own pump at home. I received mine from here through my insurance and once I beat the learning curve, we were inseparable. Since my baby never really latched until week three it was vital that I pumped to avoid hindering my milk supply. I’m convinced (through my lactation consultant as well) that if I had given up on pumping; my supply would have diminished. Plan to breastfeed even if it looks bleak and try to pump, so that fingers crossed when your baby does your supply will be ready!

2. Hands Free Pumping Bra

I underestimated how important a hands free bra would be. Since my son was two weeks early, I was a bit underprepared. I figured I would have some time before pumping and/or needing breastfeeding supplies, aka I’m a procrastinator in denial. Fast forward to my inseparable relationship with my pump and a three am amazon order, I was amazed. The awkward hand/forearm holds of both pumps were no longer. No more leakage because I tilted a solid 10 degrees wrong. Buy it now. Double check that it will fit your flanges or else a mini meltdown will ensue (it’s all hormones right?)

3. ComoTomo Bottles 

These bottles were the ones that helped my baby learn how to latch. Before someone interjects, I can assure you when your baby does not latch at all and then suddenly begins to latch, you will understand. I attribute it to the roundness of these nipples that are similar to a breast. Once I introduced these bottles to my son, he began to latch when I would try breastfeeding afterwards. This bottle was the beginning to my end of countless attempts to breastfeed. Buy two and see if it helps your unlatching baby!

4. Lactation Consultant

If you’re reading this and struggling, go to a lactation consultant. I am aware that not everyone may have the same access to a lactation consultant but trust me, it is worth it. I met with two different lactation consultants so I would suggest asking for referrals from friends or your child’s pediatrician. If you cannot go to one because of insurance or the finances, make sure you seek them out during your stay at your hospital and ask for a phone number to call when you leave. Basically, they answer questions, cheer on your successes, and remind you that you’re doing a good job. For me specifically, I wanted to know that I was effectively feeding (when he began to latch) and just a peace of mind that we were doing okay. All in all, they care for you and the baby and want to support you in how you want to feed your baby.

If you are in northern Jersey, I would highly recommend Jennifer Lisimachio, IBCLC. She has tons of experience and a breadth of knowledge, incredibly down to earth, has a killer sense of style. Not to mention, her office is a warm and inviting space that somehow melts away your anxieties.

5. Your Partner or Support System

I could not end this post without giving a much needed kudos to my husband and mom. They were available and just a short yelp away from grabbing me an extra pillow, bib or breast pad when I needed one. But more than anything, they cheered me on and acknowledged my frustrations. My mom lives in Florida so her time with me was limited but my husband who works a day job and a night job, has walked with me through the ups and downs. Before I gave birth, I clearly communicated to my husband that I wanted to breastfeed and that I would need his support throughout the process. I told him that if I wanted to stop trying, I needed his support and/or if I wanted to keep going, I needed his support then too. 

This stuff is hard and you’ll feel so defeated at times, but lean on those around you. If you don’t have a partner, sign up for a La Leche League near by or reach out to moms you know. If your partner is unhelpful, breathe (this is new for him too) and set aside time to communicate how they could help and be honest about how you may be feeling or struggling. Bottom line, don’t go alone.

My Most Important Bonus

I believe that time can really help. The first three weeks of my self-defined “failure” with breastfeeding were difficult. All the Instagram posts, mom advice, and my own will to breastfeed were reminding me again and again, this needs to work now. But my son’s schedule was different, and he needed time and I needed to let go of my timing. Praying helped me let go of my timing. I prayed before every feeding when he wouldn’t latch and even when he started to latch. It helped me relax and gave me hope each time even when it was through tears. I began surrendering my hopes and plans to God entrusting Him to do what was best. Even if that meant a different path and agenda from my own.

Keep going if this is important to you and try these things to see if they make breastfeeding just a tad bit less stressful. You won’t miss out on the opportunity and it won’t be too late. As my son and I are now trucking along I realized, that even if he still never latched, it would be a small blip in the narrative of falling in love with him and motherhood.

Please leave a comment below of your helpful advice to overcome breastfeeding struggles! What are some things that worked for you?