How to Balance it All as a New Mom
This isn’t your normal “how to” post. Mainly because one “how to” can’t possibly apply to all moms. Some of us are thriving while others are drowning; it’s not just you who feels that way. My current status is a newly working mom, a little by choice and most by necessity. And to be frank, I’m struggling… juggling pumping through the day, finding time to eat, and barely, finding time to obsessively take pictures of Wilder. The mom struggle is real whether you’re at home and working, or studying, or chasing extra pairs of tiny feet, or doing it all alone.
Not for a minute, do I want to believe that anyone, no matter how much it seems, has it easy as a mom. This is important because the moments I feel most defeated is when I think, what am I doing wrong or why is it easier for them? My most recent dialogues (internally and with my husband) include: How does their baby sleep 11 hours? When will I have a moment to breathe? Is there something wrong with our baby or us? THERE’S GOTTA BE SOMETHING WRONG.
Well, this is the “how to” for the average woman who wants to celebrate motherhood while (seemingly) balancing everything and more:
1. Do Things for You
You need to shower. A proper shaving included shower with your favorite body wash. My go-to is L’OCCITANE Cleansing And Softening Shower Oil With Almond Oil because it feels luxurious and yet weightless, when I rinse. Plus the reviews are insane for this body wash… lather this on, and you’ll feel aaaaa-maaaa-zing. This is also the time to invest in some fancy shampoo and conditioner. Partly because you’re losing SO much hair everyday and mainly, because it’s an easy treat that’s available 24/7. I find that small things like showering or enjoying a bubble tea at my favorite cafe reminds me that I’m a full human again. And I’m pretty sure my son has a better time with me when I don’t smell so bad.
2. Set a Schedule With Grace
A major turning point for me as a new mom was when first, my baby passed the two month mark and second, when I set a daily schedule. Before the two month mark it’s hard to make a schedule since your baby’s feeding and nap times are just getting calibrated (read more about our breastfeeding journey here & here). But for us, the two month mark meant approximately the same wake up time and bedtime. This also meant farewell to my snoozy mornings and hello to productivity! But, there’s always a long laundry list of things to do and an adorable baby who will change your schedule in a heartbeat. My way to survive: make a plan for each day and set out to do the most important items only. If you do more, great! Those are bonus items. This helped me not get frustrated when baby was extra needy that day or I got only a few things done.
3. It’s Only a Season
When I feel defeated and just plain exhausted, I remind myself this is a season. Just like when the full leaves of spring wither down to winter’s barrenness, this is a necessary time and purpose. There will be an end to Wilder’s constant night feedings and his incessant need to be held all the time (my prince, literally). And the reality that this will pass, as freeing as it can feel, also means that you need to soak in everything. The good, the bad, the sleep depriving, and panic inducing too. Make this your morning motto to help wake up and face the day with a thankful heart. Since even nature trusts God with the necessity of each season, so should we.
4. Eliminate Time Wasters
On any given week night, you can find me gallivanting down the aisles of Trader Joe’s and sneaking my third sample from their post. But… grocery shopping can be a huge time waster as well as cooking meals. Especially if neither of things are not enjoyable. Eva Chen (my favorite Instagram mom) answered in her recent story, that she too, automates things like groceries to balance it all. I recommend looking into a meal and/or grocery delivery services to make dinner a breeze! We currently use a local restaurant’s (12 baskets Side Dishes Service) weekly dinner service and so far, we like it! First, they deliver to you on a specific day with a combination of side dishes and main meals. Second, it’s fairly inexpensive and takes the guess work out of dinner and groceries. The portions are average but everything has been super tasty and nothing beats delivery “home cooked” Korean food! Currently, you place your order for the week on KakaoTalk and my husband is in charge of that. If you’d like more information, DM on Instagram and I’ll forward you the contact info!
5. Say No
This is one I’m practicing but still wrestling with. I love to say “Yes!” and pile on as many things as I can. However, with my limited energy and time, saying no is one of the best ways to make time for crucial things. And for me that means less dates with friends, and more family and quiet times. As a extravert it’s hard to postpone or say no, to complete the piled laundry and vacuum (since it’s been a week) but sometimes, it’s very needed. Motherhood can be lonely and stressful especially the whole keeping human alive and happy while maintaining a sanitary clean house (a huge feat for us!). Thank God for phone calls and texts that get us through breastfeeding and even Instagram stories to update family/friends that we’re alive and well. Just until I get this whole cleaning, baby nurturing, working, loving wife and daughter thing figured out… see you all in the next decade?
If your balancing it all or barely holding it together…
All this to say, I want to be real. I still wake up in zombie mode after co-sleeping (sleep training post coming soon. spoiler alert! we failed.) and longingly remember my care-free days. However, little things like my “lavish” 20 mins showers to delivery service and even saying no (to the excess!) make life a LOT more manageable. To all my single ladies or newlyweds, enjoy the full bed to yourselves and seamlessly pulling it together. To my mamas out there, cheers to fighting for our days and fiercely loving our littles ones even when it feels all impossible. You’re doing great.