#Fomo is real; what’s it got to do with parenting?
The first week of 2019 went exactly the opposite than I had imagined. I caught a bug/cold leading to minimal productivity and too much British Bake Off (although– is there really such a thing? @Netflix). My feed exploded with pristine check lists with all the boxes checked, while I barely lifted my rubbish head from the bed. So of course, #FOMO pulled up, fast and furious. You know the feeling.
As both a working and new mom, it’s hard to be a stranger to #FOMO or colloquially, the fear of missing out. But once my sickness hit and plans were scrapped, the fear heightened. Even though, the idea of showering and blow drying my hair exhausted me, I was insistent on keeping our plans. Luckily, the hubs put his foot down for both my health and the baby.
The reality is that parenting in general is hard. But in our technology infused generations, the pressure for relevancy doubles. Especially, since we can literally keep up with everyone’s stories and feeds. Here’s how #FOMO affects millennial parenting (& how to deal):
1) Choose what’s best for your family even if it’s not Instagram worthy
This is hard. We live in a digital age where the highlight reel reminds us– that sometimes we can barely get it together while what feels like the whole world is balancing everything, perfectly. But as a new parent, there is a need for caution and blinders when it causes anxiety or unnecessary stress to keep up. Instagram doesn’t show everything and if you can’t make it to the birthday party, and bake organic, gluten-free, keto friendly treats for Sunday school while meal planning for the week– it’s not just you. Instead, let them eat (store bought) cake and kindly let the birthday queen or prince know in advance! The goal is prioritize as a family and let things go especially when you’re not feeling well.
2. Stop overbooking
Moms -in particular- tend to be enthusiastically ambitious about how much we can do and it often leads to overbooking. The fear leads to overbooking because in the moment, you see what you want and bam, you lock yourself in. Saying “YES” is an emotional response and if you’re like me, you WANT to be able to do everything. However, this leads to burnt out moms and dads, and even crankier babies. As a parent, we need to anticipate the extra getting baby ready time, the ran out of diapers scenario, and baby’s necessary nap and bedtime. Lots of work, right? Save yourself the rush and be minimal in your plans. And instead of canceling last minute, practice being intentional about your yes and no– it makes for a happier family and less grumbly friends.
3. It’s not forever
The inevitable reality is that your social life will shift. More friends coming over than meeting at restaurants and definitely less nights out. But this shift is temporary, your social butterfly alter ego will be out on the town before you know it. It’s important to recognize your baby’s tendencies as well, some can’t nap while out and ’bout while others thrive. See this as a excuse for more family time and opportunities for rest.
4. Your child will thank you
Our culture perpetually tells us, we can and should do more. Or did you leave your Peloton screen on again? (Cody Rigsby– IMY). In any case, raising a baby in this busy world is worrisome. My hope is that instead of instilling doing more and keeping up with what’s around us; I’ll model practices of rest and stillness. Busyness does not equate to success nor does it remind us that God is in control. I hope to encourage Wilder that his identity is not in the things he does but rather, rooted in who God declares him to be. Here’s to raising up a generation that fights #FOMO and encourages stillness rather than comparison and relevancy.
So now what?
Look, I don’t pretend to have it together– but I do know that my great sickness of 2019 reminded me that I gotta hit pause. And if you’re like me, I didn’t even know I could press pause. Even though, Wilder’s still a wee baby (stop growing, you!) I know I need to be intentional now rather than later. If I don’t begin changing my habits of rushing and exerting myself too much, my son will notice. He will notice my lack of patience, frustrations in traffic, sighing at my Instagram feed. So– before #FOMO gets the best of you and soon– your little ones, let’s practice being mindful and pause when we really need to.